I can't tell you what it might look like and feel for you, but for me these are just a few ways it affects me.
First of all - the brain fuzz. I am a teacher and multi-tasker by nature. There was nothing more terrifying then the time when a lesson went completely wrong. In the past it wouldn't have been much of a big deal. I would have been able to assess the situation and adjust the strategy or way I was teaching it. Unfortunately, this day, that was not a possibility. I just sat there - I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to fix the situation and where to go from there. It was the start of me really knowing something was wrong.
It's the days that I would like nothing better to do than stay in bed. Making dinner is just too hard. There are too many choices to make. There is too much laundry, or too many kids, or just too much that needs you to make a choice. Yup on those days I wish I could lay and bed and eat popcorn...I prefer that to bon bons. :)
It is recognizing when my anxiety is high and I find myself with the unexplainable need to wear a big cozy cardigan or sweater. It's the need to feel safe and secure. My counselor was proud of me for recognizing this one. She said that being able to recognize I was at the beginning of a rough day might help me to choose to approach it differently. The only problem with this one is when you feel the need to wear a sweater or sweatshirt and it is over 100 degrees. Yup I need a different way to handle this one.
It is the feeling that I would really like someone to pat me on the back and tell me good job. It is the desire to have the simple praise I give my children for little things I accomplish - especially on the hard days. I have found a couple of people that I text when I get a list of things done. Sometimes I even call them when I have only accomplished a single task. Sometimes we just need reassurance.
Sometimes if feels like hopelessness. It feels like there are days that I may never get better. That I might be always struggling with this horrible, obnoxious, exhausting disease.
Today it is in the form of needing to sweep my floor and it just seems more than I can or care to do. Or maybe the sweeping isn't the problem but it is the knowledge that it desperately needs a mop after the sweep. The work just never seems done.
The point of this post, and yes there was one, was to remind you that PPD can feel like a hundred different things. It is okay. It is part of the process. If you are feeling this way talk to someone. It can get better. Just because you feel like this today doesn't mean you will feel like this a week from now.
How does PPD affect you? What do you do when you are feeling this way?
Remember you are not alone!
